you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dear god my vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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