i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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