So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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