I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
