Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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