can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
