I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
