Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
