they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
