We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want her autograph on my taint
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
