I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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