Your mouth is God's brothel.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
