coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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