so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My nipple is on Facebook.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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