Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
