my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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