She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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