I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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