It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
