why didn't you poke me back
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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