yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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