"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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