So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
