Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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