there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
