Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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