Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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