Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
