Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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