I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
