so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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