If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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