i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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