i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
