Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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