I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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