mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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