He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
