I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We just shotgunned beers for America
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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