Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
