I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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