All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
