if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
