someone owes me an orgasm
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
