her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
