i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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