i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
