i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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