after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
