using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
