Where is the hickey?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
