Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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