I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
