True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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