he puts the penis in happiness.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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